Well! It has been a while! Hello, friends! How are you all doing?
It sure has been a wild few years. In the midst of all the chaos, I chose to retreat within myself, but not in the self-isolating way I normally have done. Instead of being avoidant, I chose to be present with myself, with the fear, with the pain, with the grief, with the anxiety, with the depression, etc. I am happy to report that choosing a new way of existing has really turned things around for me.
Here is brief summary of what’s been going on with me…
I came out as transgender and started my nonbinary transition journey. I changed my name & gender legally (I’m now officially an X-man in the state of Washington!), and I underwent top surgery, so I no longer have breasts! It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life. I tried to go on testosterone for a month, but it ended up resurfacing a lot of the trauma from first puberty, which didn’t feel safe at the time, so I had to stop. I hope to try again as soon as I get stabilized on my new meds. I am now taking Cymbalta for my nerve pain and depression and Rexulti, which is a very new medication and quite expensive, so I’m really glad my insurance has approved it for at least 6 months.
I was denied for federal disability income, and they closed my case, so my disability advocate and I are having to start over from the beginning. Because the federal government determined I’m not disabled, the state government is also trying to revoke the services they’re providing me with through the ABD (Aged, Blind, and Disabled) program, so I have a hearing this coming week to try to explain why just because the federal government doesn’t think I’m disabled, I still am and need state support. It’s a whole thing that is very exhausting and disheartening, but I gotta do what I gotta do to survive in this ableist and discriminatory system we have in the USA. I have some new providers, a new caregiver, and things are looking up in terms of the insights I have received regarding what’s going on with my health, but it’s still a long road ahead before I get to a point of balance with it all, I think.
I’m also back in college & working again for the first time in years. I’m attending the local community college to finish up my math & science requirements before transferring to the local four year university to design my own major in BCN (Biopsychology, Cognition, and Neuroscience). I had a lot of math trauma growing up, but I’m starting over from the basics, and it’s going a lot better this time around. I am having a bit of trouble keeping up with everything, and I’m only in the fourth week of the quarter with three very “easy” classes. I picked up a work study job at the media center & makerspace, which is super awesome because I get to learn how to use all kinds of amazing creative software & hardware. I also get to work with some awesome people. I feel very fortunate. In addition to taking 12 units (full time student) and working around 16 hours per week, I accepted the position of interim Vice President and Accommodation Facilitator for the Neurodiversity Club at the college. I am also involved with the Latinx Leadership Club, and the QTPOC (Queer & Trans People of Color) Club, so I’m pretty busy and trying to just make sure I stay on top of everything without overextending myself and burning out again.
Finally, I moved into my own studio apartment “on campus” in the new dorm/residence hall, which is so nice. I love having my own space, but I definitely learnt that without a caregiver, everything falls apart super fast for me. I need to try to get more hours approved at some point. While there’s a ton more I’d love to say about how I’m doing and where my mind is at lately, for now, I’m going to end this post here so it just is a brief life update. I can do a more in depth reflection on life later.
Sending love to you all! Be well! ❤