Hey there! Wanna get to know a LOT about me REAL fast?
Welp, you’ve come to the right place.
I present to you…
TMI w/ Jax Bayne!!
My journey begins when I timidly decided to try my hand(s?) at video game live streaming on twitch.tv for the first time halfway through 2016. It was after a particularly difficult bout of depression due to my poor mental & physical health. I cut off most contact & interaction with the outside world and socially & physically isolated myself for years before then due to the strong feelings of agoraphobia & social phobia that have come and gone since I was young. I was so unwell that I couldn’t even work or socialize much, so when someone suggested trying streaming on Twitch to get myself a bit more comfortable interacting with people again, I listened.
I started gaining traction rapidly within the first few months of streaming, and while this was exciting and desired, it also exacerbated my anxiety, which forced me to stop for several months. My health had improved a little after some time, so I decided to try to work again part time at low stress jobs like Old Navy & GameStop for a while. My health deteriorated again rapidly, and I had to stop working once more. I went without streaming or doing anything at all for almost another year, but then I had some sort of shift in consciousness that allowed me to start thinking in a new & different way.
I concluded at that moment that despite having had thoughts of suicide & self-harm (and even during periods of my life where I was acting on these thoughts), I had to believe the idea that killing myself was NOT an alternative to my current notion of what personal success was for me. I decided that I had no right to destroy property that does not belong to me. I did not create myself. I am not the source of myself. I am not the owner of myself. My very experience of life is a gift & consciousness itself is the most precious and rare thing in existence. My perception of reality may be faulty, but it is my sole responsibility to see to it that I’m constantly attempting to adjust my vision & cultivate internal flexibility as well as external.
After I took suicide off the table, I made a deliberate choice to start facing the fears that I’d permitted to keep me enslaved my whole life and tackle them one at a time. I’m attempting to make peace with my inner demons now, instead of constantly trying to destroy them fruitlessly. I decided to try out modeling as it was always a field that I’d been simultaneously interested in as well as terrified by. I was very happy to get the chance to do trade work with several highly skilled local photographers, models, h/muas, actors, and cosplayers. Social media and the internet have helped me connect with like minded artists and individuals who have similar aesthetic preferences & creative objectives.
In April of 2018, I was also blessed with the incredible opportunity to cosplay for Stoic Studio & Obsidian Entertainment at PAX East due to a long time Twitter follower recommending me for the gig. While I know there’s still so much more for me to learn in all of my various areas of interest, that just makes me even more excited to become learn & hone my skills. I’m very interested in getting more into the game development & cosplay modeling scenes.
Regarding my streaming nowadays, I’m in the process of figuring out a new stream set up, so I’ve got no regular schedule or games I’m playing currently. If I go live, I’ll usually post on Twitter. I am also going to start posting my plans of how I anticipate I’ll be working towards upgrading the quality of the broadcasts. I’ll post a list of objectives & goals I hope to accomplish this coming year as well so you can keep apprised of what I’m doing.
While I’m trying to find time to revisit my creative & artistic pursuits such as cosplay, modeling, streaming, etc., I’m also back in college for the first time in ages. I’m studying to become a therapist & behavioral science researcher. I realized that I needed to figure out how to help people heal from trauma since that’s what’s been my biggest issue in life. I’m pleased to report that school is going well, but I’m definitely a bit overwhelmed and super busy. I’m trying to start posting on my websites more again, but it’s definitely still going to be a bit spotty until I develop a new routine that works for me.
I also came out as transgender (transmasculine nonbinary/nonbinary transman/agender) and have started my transition journey as of 2019, which is when I received my autism diagnosis as well. I have also been diagnosed with a few chronic illnesses such as PTSD, IBS, fibromyalgia, and am awaiting an assessment for EDS. It’s been a difficult journey, but I’m happier than ever before in the beautiful and progressive Pacific Northwest!
Thank you, everyone, for all your love & support especially over the past few years. I’m sorry I’ve not always been able to be more consistent in my quality and quantity outputs, but I’m working toward healing myself both inside & out so I can put more energy into releasing regular, higher quality content. Stay tuned for updates on that by following my blog & social media sites! Please reach out if you have an idea for a collaboration. I love to encourage other artists, researchers, and creators & work together to create something new and different than either of us would be able to think of on our own!
As always, warmest wishes & blessings to you!
~ Jax Bayne ❤